Back in New Braunfels and a Good Night’s Sleep

Well, I’m back in my apartment and frankly sleep quite well. I often wonder about this, because I sleep where I am most comfortable and safe and I don’t sleep well where I am uncomfortable or not feeling safe.

I suppose that sometime ago, the village had its members of its tribe stand watch during the night and eventually, I suppose,, everyone felt safe, knowing that someone else had their back.

I often wonder if that is one of the reasons I never sleep during my marriage,, because no one ever had my back. Sometimes, even my dog would sleep through things he heard and I know my soon to be ex wouldn’t or couldn’t be bothered staying up at all and watching out for predators or things that could cause harm.

I often think that I sleep with one eye open because of that phenomenon ,, that inbreed instinct to survive. I don’t have a tribe watching out for me.

Sure, I’ve tried all the remedies, tea, exercise, hell, in the past, I used to drink or drug until I simply passed out. I will not do that today,, I won’t even take the latest and greatest pill available today for sleep.

I suppose that my mind won’t shut down and I go into overdrive about things. I suppose that coffee after noon or later is a culprit, but in the end,, the survival instincts take over and I’m left awake. I am beginning to believe that is one thing about therapy that is causing me some discomfort,, I am reverting to some primordial instincts and getting rid of trained anti-survival techniques.

Anyway, maybe cat naps,, maybe doing business at night,, maybe sleeping during the day,, I don’t know. I just know this,, I’m rested today and feeling better about me. I know that the Judges won’t like this and in the end,, the trials must be had during the day,, not night. I also experience this during the time I am in the arena, doing battle.

Tomorrow I meet with those wise ones who give me counseling and guidance and will discuss this thing I am experiencing when it is my turn to talk.



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